(Image is of the trees along my daily walk with the leaves changing colors.)
Exhaustion has many faces and many symptoms. It is the feeling in your bones that you just can’t make another move, it is that feeling in your mind that prevents cognitive thinking. For me it is almost always that feeling of being on the verge of a panic attack, the speed up heart rate and that heavy feeling in my chest. It is the inability to relax.
Today I am exhausted, my body is fighting the remnants of a cold, my mind is fighting a migraine, and my heart is heavy from missing my family for the last two days. I have 6 more days until I get a break from work, six full work days until I have dinner with my family. Six nights my daughter goes to bed with only my husband home, six nights I miss tucking her in. It’s not the first time I’ve worked several consecutive days and missed bed times, and it won’t be the last.
I’m proud to be a working mom, I’m proud to be able to contribute to my family’s financial well being. But I’m sad that it comes with such a cost. My hope is that by this time next year I won’t need to miss so much, that I will be home for dinner more often than I’m away. My hope is that this stress and exhaustion will be completely worth the financial aid it brings.
So until the day comes that this is all worth it, I will be exhausted and drained. I will enjoy the fact I get my mornings with my Mini-Me and a few minutes alone with my husband. I will find the little things to make it all worth while.