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adayinmyworldsite

Navy wife, mom, and all around chaos

Month

June 2016

Hospital visits

A few days ago texts began coming in, a group text actually, my gram is in the hospital and they were flying her to a major Hospital in Seattle. 

My gram who was until this happy, healthy, and my favorite. My gram who has been through so much in her life and things were finally getting back to a place where she was truly happy. My gram who I don’t call nearly enough or visit nearly enough. The woman who I take her nearness for granted even though I know my time near her is in short supply. 

That wonderful lady I get the privilege of being related to is in the hospital fighting off a major infection. She has had two surgeries in the last few days and they aren’t sure if she will need a third yet. 

I have to say this is the most terrifying thing I have ever dealt with and the not knowing is the the worst part. I’m lost and scared, unlike when I was a kid my parents are just as lost and scared as I am. 

Sleepless

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(Image says “if some one points at your black clothes and asks, who’s funeral it is, you just look around the room and answer, ‘haven’t decided yet.'”

So tonight like many nights, I can’t sleep. It’s almost 3 am and I’m debating on going sleepless or trying to squeeze a may 4 hours in. I’m not pleasant when I don’t get enough sleep, I’m much more pleasant when I get no sleep as strange as that sounds. For an entire year of my life I was accustomed to working 60-80 hours in a week. That was a lot of sleepless nights and a lot of hilariously long days. Hilarious might be better replaced with delirious but I’m going with the funny since I remember laughing with my friends and roommate in the middle of the week at 3 am drinking coffee laughing until there were tears rolling down our faces. These days weren’t the ones that began my sleeplessness but they perfected it. I began having troubles sleeping around 10, and developed a love of books. I would swipe a flashlight from my parents and “go to bed” and I would read on nights I couldn’t sleep.
Tonight however I’m not reading or sitting with friends, I’m alone in my quiet sleeping house awake. That part, well it sucks most of the time. This night however one of my best friends can’t sleep either, she called me. Once again the hilarious delirium ensued. We rambled and laughed, her fiancée is navy as is my husband so we made fun of them. We cracked jokes about parenting and the hot messes that are our children. We ranted about her fiancée’s overprotective nature  (he thinks terrorists are going to find her, a joke of course) So we made an even bigger joke out of it. At one point I had tears rolling down my cheeks and I couldn’t breath. Even now almost an hour later my ribs hurt. It made a night of sleeplessness worth every second of it!

These are the types of friends a person needs in their lifetime. The ones you call in the middle of the night knowing that person is up to just to laugh until it’s raining on your face (aka your crying). I hope all of you get a better night sleep than I will!

Kids these days

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(Image is a unrelated picture of my dog sleeping.)

So I took my daughter to the park near our house. It’s just a little park with a great open field, a basketball hoop, and a little blip of a playground. It’s really pretty.
However half of the neighborhood isn’t that great. I’ve lived in worse in my adult life so I mean it isn’t bad just not good. Anyways these two little boys with seemingly no parents or adults or even older kids (both looked to be younger than my 7 year old) came to the playground and played with my kid. No issues there, actually I was grateful. It was the only time in my day I got to read my book without mini me asking me a thousand questions every few seconds. So for a short period it was great, until those wonderful cursed mom ears heard “fuck” coming for a little voice. Well these mom ears started listening to their little conversation and it went like this.
Littlest boy – we say fuck that.
Older little boy – And shit because we fuck shit up.
Littlest boy (while running) – fuck this, fuck that, fuck everyone.

At this point I’m pretty much done so I start gathering stuff to leave and I hear my daughter tell them both “those are rude words, I don’t say any of them.” Mind you my daughter doesn’t even like to listen to uptown funk because it sounds like a bad word. No work on my part that’s just her own morales that she just has, I cuss worse than most sailors I know. She has her own goodness and compass that she set to follow rules. I’m proud of her for that.
Now back to the little boys, I hope they made it back to their home without anything bad happening.

Over it

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(Image is just a beautiful picture I took today over looking the Hood Canal, near the puget sound)

I really just want today to be over. The waiting game the long day and tedious wait tomorrow. If you can’t tell if am far from a patient person! And I have to wait 24 hours for something I want to happen now. Yes I am being vague and I am sorry! I know everyone hates that, I despise it when people are vague. But I have to be for safety reasons. But I just wanted to vent about the fact that I despise waiting!!

Pardon me

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(Image is of my dad standing on the beach over father’s day weekend)

So I have been AWOL. Sorry about that! I was sick and crazy busy. I’m still getting over being sick and I don’t have anytime to sleep and heal, but that’s life. My sinuses are causing my ear canal to swell hence the ringing ears and hearing loss. I have been absolutely exhausted battling this cold. So there’s my whining for the day. However today I feel way better, I overloaded myself on cold medicine and vitamins last night so that helps.

So life the last few weeks has been crazy, my daughter finished first grade with wonderful grades. I still want her to improve on all areas so we will be working pretty hard throughout the summer to put her ahead next year and hopefully get her some awards next year. I am creating several binders full of educational materials to boost her up. Now the mission is to make it fun for her. The joys of mommyhood right?

Well that’s my life, controlled chaos! Got to love it

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(Image is a photo of the beach just because it’s pretty and I partially wish I was still there.)

Pardon me

image

(Image is of my dad standing on the beach over father’s day weekend)

So I have been AWOL. Sorry about that! I was sick and crazy busy. I’m still getting over being sick and I don’t have anytime to sleep and heal, but that’s life. My sinuses are causing my ear canal to swell hence the ringing ears and hearing loss. I have been absolutely exhausted battling this cold. So there’s my whining for the day. However today I feel way better, I overloaded myself on cold medicine and vitamins last night so that helps.

So life the last few weeks has been crazy, my daughter finished first grade with wonderful grades. I still want her to improve on all areas so we will be working pretty hard throughout the summer to put her ahead next year and hopefully get her some awards next year. I am creating several binders full of educational materials to boost her up. Now the mission is to make it fun for her. The joys of mommyhood right?

Well that’s my life, controlled chaos! Got to love it

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(Image is a photo of the beach just because it’s pretty and I partially wish I was still there.)

A fall into insanity

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(Image is of an ear. Why an ear you ask? Well mostly because mine hates me right now.)

I won’t be posting much at the moment because I am having some awesome ear trouble. I have liquid  (I’m going to assume it’s water) in my ear.
Go to the doctor get it resolved. Yes I know that’s what your going to say but you see I have to deal with doctors who really don’t care about me, about getting my issue fixed. They care about see the names crossed off of their list and calling it good.
Switch doctors? Well normally I would but I have Tricare and they want me at the Navy Hospital. To switch take a lot of time on the phone for phone calls. A phone call requires working ears. I have one functional ear and one that hates me.
I also have an irrational dislike and distrust of doctors. Mainly because my laundry list of medical issues: anxiety, despression, peripheral neuropathy, migraines, and a few other. I have doctors tell me that I’m too young to have back problems. I’m too smart to have anxiety. I’m too pretty too have depression. Because my age, intelligence, or looks have anything to do with medical problems. I had one doctor feed me pills for my anxiety and depression (against my will) and tell me that he would check me into to an institution if my blood work didn’t show appropriate levels of said medications. Needless to say I didn’t go see him even again, I got a new doctor. The last doctor I saw removed precancerous cells from my body and me being terrified of that diagnosis didn’t schedule a follow up immediately. I did later and they had clean margins and a clear scan (good news, terrible scare).

So now I avoid doctors like the plague unless I need one. My husband encourages me to get appointments more often than I do, like currently I’m out of my migraine medication. And have had to suffer through them without treatment. The medication was prescribed by my doctor from when I had my own insurance and the ability to chose my doctor. I could email her and say hey my meds are out can I have some more or do I need an appointment. They would either give me more or make an appointment. My point I didn’t have to waste her and my time by going there. I hate feeling like I’m wasting a doctor’s time, I think that’s the anxiety.

Anyways back to now. I have water in my ear. It is as miserable as it sounds! I can’t hear out of one ear, my balance is off, I find myself clenching my jaw, and really it’s exhausting. Is it medically necessary to see a doctor? Maybe, maybe not. I’m still hoping for it to go away on its own, I have tried everything including hanging my head upside down. Surprisingly that one works while my head was upside down. Now I think I will just continue my descent into madness and deal with it like I do everything else.

Sunshine, swimming, and joy

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(Image is of the five of us at the lake today, by five I mean myself and daughter, my best friend and her two daughters)

Have you ever had a day that you wanted to drop everything and just run away from reality? Run away from responsibility?
Well today I had one of those days and instead of ignoring it like an adult I pulled my daughter out of school and went with it. My best friend owns a house with a private community lake. I messaged her to see if she wanted company and she did because she wanted to go to the lake. It was her daughters early day and one of those very rare gorgeous days in Washington.
We went, we splashed, we laughed, and we enjoyed the perfect day.
I knew deep down to break out of the vicious cycle of depression I needed to gather energy I didn’t have and went. It might be a temporary fix to the problem but it felt freeing. Just being able to go when I decided to, I know it was irresponsible to pull my daughter out of school for fun. But God if she didn’t need a treat right along with me, she suffers from my depression too. Not in the same ways but with my temper, my lack of patients, my lack of motivation, or energy.
Now I am exhausted for the first time and I might get to sleep before 4 am.

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(Image is of a graphic image with the quote – “I have been putting a lot of thought into it and I just don’t think being an adult is gonna work for me”)

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