Navy wife, mom, and all around chaos


April 2016

Another change

I don’t have a picture today, it’s not a picture type day. I have been planning out our move across the country, stressing about stops and taking the time we have to take. We have 30 plus days to drive from the northwest coast to the northeast coast. My amazing husband wants to add Texas and New Orleans into that drive. I know we have to take majority of that time going from one place to the next, we can’t just drive and be there in a week. If we do our stuff and house won’t be ready and we will have to wait around which sounds worse than driving for 20 plus days. So Yellowstone National Park, Salt Lake City, Grand Canyon National Park, Dallas, and New Orleans are all our major stops. I’m sure we will add and change up our list as needed but those are what we have roughed out. We have also discovered that most hotels charge an outrageous amount for us to have a dog with us leaving us two options lying or camping. Ugh! The stress of travel and moving. Now I’m off to find out which school my daughter will be enrolled in next year.

Game Farm in the rain


The Olympic Game Farm, who has been there? None of you? Well let me tell you about this amazing place that I’ve been to more times than I can count! First off it is home to the waving bears! Second the family that created this amazing place worked with Walt and Roy Disney creating wildlife films for about 20 years, during that time the Game Farm wasn’t open to the public ( Today on this typical rainy day we are off to enjoy this piece of one man’s dreams. We will feed Llamas and zebras, we will get bears to wave to us and enjoy a day with each other.
The tour of the game farm begins small with sika deer and Prairie dogs, graduating into Yaks and Zebras. All of which you get to feed out of your hand (minus Prairie dogs of course). My daughter was nervous, all the signs read the horses and zebras bite. And of course being young that translates into all the animals bite. But after watching us feed Yaks and Llamas she grew the courage to feed all the animals out of her hand minus the bison. Most of the bison were the size of our SUV so I don’t really blame her. I though one of them were going to rip off the side mirror.

The bison run to your car looking for bread, they are all very accustom to people and cars. Every animal other than the zebras and horses are gentle.

As you can see in the picture above I’m feeding this Elk and it’s as gentle as can be. I also got to scratch her before she went to find another car for more food.

Yak taking bread from my fingers. I truly love this place and the experiences that come from it!

A new day

We finally found out when we are moving, we should’ve known months ago. But we found out last night, better late than never. I also had a great surprise. I will explain that one later… Not trying to be vague sadly navy wife life means I can’t always talk about what I want to.  So as soon as I can talk about it I will have an awesome post about it.

We are building an epic list of things we need to do before we leave Washington. There is a loop trail around Mount Rainier, and Ape Caves at Mount Saint Helen’s. There’s two added in just the last day. The Mount Rainier loop trail is 6 miles of a moderate hike, meaning steep climbs and quick drops. But the views, God the views, will be outstanding. Does anyone have any suggestions for hikes in the Pacific Northwest, preferably in Washington state itself. I’m already planning both the major mountains (Rainier and Saint Helen’s), Leavenworth (the “German” town), Mount Olympus or Mount Angeles, EMP museum, Woodland park soon again, San Juan islands, and Deception Pass. Anyone have any add onsu for the list? Places you’ve heard of, places you want to see? I love this state and I’m going to miss it.

I’ve been getting rid of tons of things out of our house. The Saint Vincent’s down the road loves me, I have taken over half of my get rid of pile to them. Since we have a pretty good life that means I get to donate good quality things to a place that actually needs it. I stopped and now refuse to give donations to a for profit places like Goodwill. I would rather give what I can do places that need it. Hell I went through my daughter’s clothes and found things that were brand new but things she can’t wear anymore. Talk about wasteful on my end. What are some places that you like to donate too? Saint Vincent’s isn’t taking donations for the remainder of the month, food yes but not clothing or household goods.

Enjoy the beautiful day!


*Image is an old picture I took of the beach at my parents house.*

Engagement, babies, and friendships


*Image is of my husband and myself on out wedding day during our first dance*

In recent days in have had two friends get engaged and two others decide to announce their pregnancy. All of these news bites were completely unexpected. The engagements, well those girls are two of my best friends and I cannot wait to go to the wedding, reception, or whatever they have. The pregnancies however, I can’t help but feel a small twinge of jealousy. I am very happy for both couples they are going to be awesome parents (well one couple already has a little one but still).
My husband and I have wanted a baby for the last year, yes I know we haven’t been married that long but we have been together close to three years. We have actively been trying for about 7 months with no luck. I also know it can take longer than that but still want it now you know.
One of the engagements casually came up in a conversation way past my bed time. She reacted the same way I did and it brought back so many of my own fears and anxiety from that simple life changing question. She came to me knowing that her and I think alike in those aspects. She wanted to make sure the anxious feeling wasn’t a clue that she was making a mistake. The glow on her face and the happiness in her eyes were literally all it took for me to know that she wasn’t. I think she just wanted an outsider telling her moving on from her semi recent divorce was far from a bad thing, she needed support that night. And not for the first time nor will it be the last I was that support.
On the other hand I have a best friend who is just purely thrilled to finally find the love of her life and be completely happy in love. She loves talking to me knowing that I am equally as happy.
I’ve discovered that I have become that one stable married friend in the group which is strange because I spent a lot of years as the wild one. I guess I’m all grown up now, again strange because I’m saying that were superhero sweatpants and procrastinating chores. I guess life throws surprises when you don’t expect it. Here’s hoping for a few more great ones!

Allergies, exhaustion, and parenting


* Image is a blurry snap shot of Jax post run chewing his rope and falling asleep at the same time*

Allergies season is upon us dear people. And I for one am despising it, I mean I love spring but hate the allergies. I want my nose and sinuses back please. I want to not wash my black car 500 times a month because there pollen everywhere. I want to not be terrified that I’m going to be that seriously unlucky bastard that really dies because of sneezing! Have you ever sneezed so hard or so many times you have hurt your ribs? No well I, my dear, have many times at least twice every spring. And I live by the coast so to make matters worse it seems the only time I can really smell anything is when it’s low tide on a very warm day. If you don’t know what that smalls like be grateful!
This month is going by impossibly slow and painfully. I mean really after everything it’s seriously only the 11th. I was hoping for like the 20th or maybe even farther when I woke up this morning but nope just 11 days into April. I’m definitely not digging this month. I sound whiney don’t I? Maybe it’s just today.
So my daughter came back home yesterday, and today she’s already fighting me about chores and homework. She is all spit fire and attitude, so much like her mother. She keeps me on my toes and keeps me from letting the depression take over. That might help mostly my stubborn idea of not losing an argument to a seven year old. Of course she’s such an awesome kid, she fought me over folding her clothes then finished and came out to love on me. She told me about her week, we talked about things and laughed with each other. We talked about her dad and how much she misses him already, she wants him home. Every time he leaves him and I have to take about a week before and after convincing her that he’s coming home. She didn’t go through that part this time, she has her guess count down until he comes back. She picks a day in a random month and counts, some times she’s surprised but twice she’s been spot on.
But now I’m exhausted, my Fitbit says I slept 15 minutes last night.

Today is a day


It wasn’t a bad day, wasn’t a good day, it was just a day. The high light? Getting an email from my deployed husband. When he’s deployed I get sporadic emails (sometimes not for a month or more at a time) generally in bunches. So getting one this early on is amazing. It is exactly what was needed to prevent a bad day from happening. Other than my email, I got an opportunity for a job, and went for a walk with Jax. So basically I did nothing.

I tried not to fret about my daughter’s up coming appointments and the fact that the insurance company want me to drive three hours from home to their preferred specialty clinic. You know because there are a dozen here, or even a hundred not far away. But no there want to send us to another base three hours away to see a doctor for all of probably 20 minutes. My daughter has to miss school from an entire day just so I don’t see civilian doctor and they don’t pay for it. I’m not ready for the battle with them I have to partake in on Monday. With the argument and fight not to go that far away. My daughter shouldn’t have to miss school for an appointment I would normally be able to just pull her out of school for a short time to complete. I am thoroughly annoyed with Tricare!

On the other hand, I almost got my entire goal in steps and exceeded my active minutes. That’s before I add my 30 minute boot camp work out into the data! Go me! And the exercise is helping the depression induced insomnia! Wear me out and I will sleep like a rock for once!

Best day in weeks


*Image is of my messy living room floor with my niece and her best friend, AKA Jax my dog*

Today! Goodness today, I loved it! I needed it! The best part, my best friend didn’t even know I needed it. It started with me awaking to my phone going crazy with the A (we are just going to give the best friend a name here lol) needing me to watch her daughters. I love these girls so of course, despite the depression rolling in, I would take them. My door is always open to family and friends! So I spent an hour or so with her before she had to go to work then I chased kids for her entire shift (all seven hours lol). It was exactly what I needed noise in my quiet house, laughter from littles that was infectious! My dog glowing in the attention, me caring for some one else. I needed the push forward away from the sad. Then to my complete surprise A stayed with me after her shift. We had dinner, we sat outside until the sun went down and laughed until our stomachs hurt. We talked as we watched terrible B movies until A and her kids fell asleep on my couches.

Sometimes it’s those moments where a person realizes that despite having a small circle, those few are the ones that count. A, tonight, was my savior, she was the friend that was there and didn’t even know I needed her, hell I didn’t even know I needed her. Until I did, until she was there, until my abs were screaming while I was laughing. And somewhere in this day that weight that I didn’t fully notice yet it lifted. And I was free.

How you might ask did I know it lifted if I didn’t know it was there? Well I have been battling depression (and yes it is a full battle even on my good days) for 13 years, now that’s not forever but it’s since I was 15 so long enough for me to have an understanding. That heaviness that comes with the depression, the tension that rolls across my shoulders and neck. You know that voice in your head telling you something is off, well it’s that kind of but more like you’re wearing a wet blanket. More than anything there is a weight to the feelings, there is a darkness to the thoughts, there is a fight every time to break free. There is a war inside my head between my inner demons and my inner happiness every single day. And today was a great day!

On another note my daughter, let’s give her a name too! How about Tara, yup that will work for this. She ran the beach, rolled in the sand, swam in the river, fished with her grandparents and cousins, roasted marshmallows over a fire, and asked her gram to tell me she misses me and loves me to the moon. Another reason it was a great day, Tara got to experience technology free fun and adventures. Now I don’t let her have all the screen time she wants by no means but I do let her have screen time. But today my wonderful parents said ‘no electronics, except the camera’ and did the pictures paint a story! I remember being a child and having that much fun doing the very same things except there was no screens to put away for me! My mom says that I was born with scales, not meaning I’m a great swimmer but that if there’s water around she knows I want in. Tara is the same, she swam in the river with her cousin, mind you said river flows off the mountain and the Flatts they were at is always in the shade, so burr! But she did because it was exactly what she wanted to do and why not?

Today was one of those days that I wish I could rewind and do again! It was the day I needed. Tomorrow will be a wonderful day too, A, children, Jax, and I are going to spend it at the beach ourselves. I have a few kid free days left and instead of being content in my bubble (read – in my safety blanket) I am going to people! Haha! I will get out of my house, go to the book store, the library, the dog park, and maybe I will brave the mall to go to my favorite store!

*Note this was written in the middle of the night before I fell asleep.*

Mid week


*Image is of the Pacific Ocean taken by me*

My daughter, my lovely gift, my devilish angel, now has three of five appointments made. I am worried and excited. I’m worried because well she’s my baby, and I want everything to be OK. I’m excited because that means we are one step closer to finding the end of the problems. So as I explained before, she has hearing and vision problems. What I haven’t mentioned is I’m starting to think she has sensory issues as well. I’m not sure if she does but it is a question I will have for her primary doctor later this month. And now that the husband is deployed I am once again on my own to figure everything out. The great thing is I’ve been on my own with my daughter for 5 out of 7 years of her life so I got this, right?
On another note she’s been at my parents for three days now. Yesterday I called to talk to her and she was having so much fun she didn’t even want to talk. Which of course made me miss her even more. My mom called me back after I was hung up on to tell me she’s being awesome, using great manners, and the only complaint was I forgot her fishing pole and empty tackle box; mostly the tackle box. Why is that so important? Her answer “I could put worms in it but I think snacks would be a better idea. It even clips on my belt!” And that is pretty much a direct quote!! She’s pretty brilliant actually! I mean what’s fishing without snacks!
My dog on the other hand has been driving me crazy! He thinks that he needs to go out every five minutes (OK it’s more like every half hour but still). We go for one or two miles walks everyday enjoying the glorious rare April Washington sunshine. Surprisingly he hates it, I tried to run with him and he does for about a quarter of a mile then he’s done. I have a lazy puppy, he will lay on my lap and take a nap when it’s around the time I take him for a walk! It’s actually pretty adorable.
On the other hand I found an article about workouts that are supposed to help with anxiety and depression, maybe you’ve seen them. It’s been helping slowly but the husband still thinks I should see a doctor about it. That ratchets up my anxiety, doctors always seem to look at me like I’m just looking for drugs. What you don’t know is I have back pain issues, anxiety as well as depression. So I get the eye rolls and the doctor’s that either hand me pills that don’t help or tell me I’m too young to have back problems. So doctors make me anxious for a lot of reasons but I listed a few. Now that I think about it maybe the exercise is helping more than I realize, I made plans involving a unicorn costume and a glitter cannon (I will explain that one later) also I’m writing again. I also made plans to people with boat wives (not my typical cup of tea but I’ll go), so maybe I’m working on the other side of things.

A Sunny Saturday

wp-1459657082276.jpg*9/11 Tribute park we discovered today*
If you have ever spent anytime in Washington you know that a week of sunshine is rare, well this is one of those rare weeks that have been absolutely beautiful. So today we decided to go to the neighborhood park to enjoy the rare sunshine. Most of this week I’ve been stuck inside doing that hateful thing called chores. But today has been one of those days that make all of those chores and the husbands crazy work week worth it.

This weekend I have my teenage nephew and 9-year-old niece. Our house is pretty big for a two bedroom but still two extra kids isn’t something I’m used to. But I love them and I only have them until tomorrow when I take them all to my parents. Yay both mom’s (my sister and I) get a break for most of spring break if not all of it.
So today we went the park, the girls played for about a half hour then the big kids (the teenager, husband and myself) got bored. So we rounded up munchkins and walked the park. It’s about a mile and a half loop so a good walk with two littles and a dog. At the end of the trail (or the trail I thought was there) there was a new addition a 9/11 memorial that I showed in the picture up there. The tribute consisted of one piece of steel from each building and a cornerstone from the Pentagon. It was given to the local fire department for their help during the attacks. It was one of the coolest things I’ve seen in the area. But I was grateful for the chance to teach my kid about what happened that day and see the awe in her face. Hell I even saw awe in the teenager face when he realized that those twisted steal bars where once a part of a building.
Good parenting win for the day!

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